Military Monday: Sucky McSuck

   As I embark on the third month of deployment this month, I have finally realized just one conclusion. Deployments are difficult really really really suck. It's not the "oh your dog got hit" by a car suckieness. Or even the "having to change a flat tire in the rain" type of suckieness. It's just the flat out sucks. I can honestly say this is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. Don't judge because I've gone through my fair share of "my life sucks" moment.
     Death, sickness, and the common trails of life have all entered my life at one point or another. I had to deal with the alcoholic parent, the loved one walking out of my life, and being thrown into a completely different life all before I was a teenager. Even if it sucks at that moment in time, I always see what God's plan was eventually. Alcoholic parent? I don't drink or harm my body. Plus, it lead to me pursue a degree in psychology. Loved one walking out? It made me a guarded person and that has prevented me from getting hurt, plus another reason why I'm pursing a degree in psychology. Being thrown into a completely different life? It took me a while to realize, but gained an amazing father figure, a sister, and a grandmother. But this deployment is really testing me.
    I think every married person should have to endure some sort of deployment. It really helps people realize how they want their life to be, and see what really matters in their relationship. Does it really have to be an argument if he, yet again, leaves clothes on the floor? Is it really that important to have the garage organized all the time? It's really not. It'd be nice, but it's not important and not worth putting a strain on your relationship.
     Another thing that this deployment has made me realize is that no matter what situation you're in, it still sucks. Oh your spouse is in the Army, Air force or Navy? It's still hard. Just because I'm going through a Marine Corpse deployment doesn't mean that it's any more or less hard on me than if he was in any other branch. Oh you have a child? I'm sorry that because I'm not a mother, you think it's not that hard. And same vice versa. Just because you have a child doesn't mean your deployment is harder. Oh your spouse is going on a "actual combat deployment" while my husband is on a MEU. It doesn't make it any easier. Oh your spouse is admin or a machine gunner? It still sucks for the loved ones at home. So what I'm really trying to say is that no matter what way you spin it, deployments absolutely SUCK!
    Don't get me wrong, I don't always sit around and ponder about how much this deployment can just be over and Matthew will be home with me. I have tried everything. Doing crafts for the house? Check. Girl's nights? Check. Trips to be with my family? Check. Cleaning every surface of my house? Check. Studying at the beach? Check. No matter what I do, I know that when it comes time for me to lay down at night, that's when I will miss him the most. When I wake up in the morning, I just lay there with my eyes clothes just smelling his pillow. I pretend he just left for work and think of what I can make him for dinner. I plan a date night all in my head, before I even open my eyes. Then, I open up my eyes, look at the date on my phone,  and go back to reality. I plan what I would make myself for dinner. I try to figure out what I can do that day to just leave my house. Instead of date nights, I gussy myself up to take photo's for his next care package. But I know that this is one of those situations where a few months, or even a year or so down the road, God will show me how this benefited my life.

I can't promise this will be my last point about sucky deployments because I have over five months of deployment left. But, it used to be eight months so I feel accomplished. The bottom line of this? DEPLOYMENTS SUCK. End rant.