No, I haven't died

Well blogging world, it's been a while. But have no fear, I am back! Loads of things have happened since my last blog post. One thing being that I am now making that cash money employed! I am still doing the nanny route, but this time with two new children. They are great kids so it doesn't even feel like work most of the time.
We're also nearly twenty-two weeks down on this deployment! Can you believe it? excited stoked ecstatic there are absolutely no words to describe how I feel about the fact that we are over halfway done!

Speaking of being halfway done, I had what I like to refer as my "mid-deployment crisis" and went for something different when I cut my hair. I haven't rocked the whole across your forehead bangs in years, but I thought I could totally rock it and just went for it.

I also started a new set of classes. I am officially classified as a junior. This blows my mind because it means I'm halfway done with my bachelors degree! Boooooyah! Yep, I just said that. My favorite class so far is my psychology of criminal behavior. You may or may not know this about me already but I have a mild obsession really like criminal minds. I would totally go to school for the rest of my life if that meant I'd have a shot of becoming an agent for the behavioral analysis unit of the FBI. I say this, not one bit embarrassed, because it is indeed a real job. My dream job. But sadly, only thing scarier than "Karen chasing bad guys" is "Karen with a gun". So, that dream is put on hold.

More posts are soon to come world, so have no fear!

My favorite kind of Hoe.

For every summer that since I can remember, I spent my entire summer camping with my grandparents. Well, I camped with my entire family. It was my favorite part of my entire year. We had a camper at a local camp ground in Gas City, Indiana that had a pool and video arcade. From the moment I woke up, I would be riding my bike with my siblings or playing at the park until dark. After night time came, we'd all sit by the fire and roast marshmallow or hot dogs. It was an great chunk of my childhood.


The absolute best part of the summers spent in Gas City, Indiana? It was only a short drive to Upland. Go to your google search engine, and type in  Ivanhoe's. It's the first bit of information that shows up. Ivanhoe's a restuarant that has been around for year, and is a little gem for the locals. Well not only the locals, but for everyone. People come from all over the state, and even out of state to grab one of Ivanhoe's one hundred specialty shakes and sundaes. They are famous for their ice cream, but they also make a mean breaded tenderloin and onion rings! Besides my family, Ivanhoe's is one of my favorite things back home. I always make a point to go there at least once, if not more than once. 

Here are some photos from my last trip back home when we dined at Ivanhoes :)

 My sister Kia and I! 

All of us girls! My sisters Kia, and Coni.

My nephew, Parker, eating some birthday cake ice cream! 

We took Paker to play after our first trip. 

Where's Nicholas Sparks?

     I have discovered that the key to any deployment is staying busy. Busy can be defined as reading a book or even going on a mini adventure. This week, that is exactly what I did. The best worst idea I had this past week was to read The Lucky One. It's a fantastic book to read, but reading any romantic book during a deployment ends up with me sobbing having tears in my eyes. 
     I am a huge fan of Nicholas Sparks. It's one big reason why I love living in North Carolina. I recognize all of the towns in his books. Specifically, New Bern. New Bern is only about forty minutes from the lovely Camp Lejeune. So, my good friend Tricia and I decided to head there this past Friday to see how lovely this place really was. I mean Nicholas Sparks calls it home, so it must be something really special. Though, we were slightly disappointed by the fact that we secretly hoped to catch a glimpse of the amazing author and didn't. The town itself did not disappoint.

Tricia and I while taking a break along the water

 because everyone needs a picture by a pretty fountain

 I've tried to convince Matthew a million times that this is my dream house

 And this is Tricia's dream house

 The beautiful streets of New Bern

 Tryon Palace, well "The Governors Palace", but beautiful none the less. 

 New Bern is filled with homes like this 

 because her last name is Webb! 

overlooking the water

      Like I said, New Bern did not disappoint. If I could just pick up the down and move it a little closer to family, I would live my entire life there. I can see it now, Matthew and I growing old in rocking chairs on the front porch of a house that I love. Not to mention, it's full of history. Fun fact number one, it was the birth place of Pepsi. You can even see he exact store where it was discovered. I can see why Nicholas Sparks fell in love with the place. It's the perfect American town. Tricia and I are definitely planning tons of date nights in the sleepy little town with the boys return. 

The Great Depression

Well, it's been a long while blogging world. I must apologize for my lack of blogging the last few weeks. Things have been sort of crazy. And, by sort of crazy, I really mean that my depression "off days" had kicked back in. A while back, while making the decision to blog, I decided that I was going to use this opportunity to use my experiences and trials to help someone else. If I could even help just one person, I'd be one happy camper.

Those who know me would describe me as full of life and easy going. As a matter of fast, my step dad used to refer to me as a butterfly because I use to flutter around the house. When I was about 16, I started to feel off. I would go to school, go to work, do homework, and sleep. If I didn't work that day, I would finish my assignment and just sleep. No matter what I did, I was just always so tired. Then, no matter what life threw at me, I was just never "happy". Things were just okay, never extraordinary.

I went through the whole dark short hair, hot topic t-shirts and awful music phase because I just had no control over what I was feeling. I contemplated the cutting route to control something that I felt, but honestly, I'm just a pansy when it comes to pain. Instead, I went the calorie counting route.

After a while, my sleep cycle completely reversed. I was always exhausted but my brain would never shut off long enough for me to get a good night's sleep. Anxiety was a huge symptom that I had to endure. Turns out I was never a "level 5 clinger" like the guys I dated thought, I had bigger issues than anyone could realize. Don't even get me started on my random crying episodes. I would literally cry for no reason at all and all the time. I always felt like I could never get a deep enough breath, my chest was always tight...especially when I was feeling anxious about something. I remember wrecking my first two cars as a teenage, but it took all I had to get back in the car after the accidents because I was so scared of another accident. The feelings eventually went away, but it took a long time.

When I met Matthew, a lot of emotional symptoms subsided because I was honestly so happy. After we got married, I finally had health insurance so I went to see my friendly neighborhood doctor at Naval Hospital Kingsbay. After multiple trips to the lab to get blood drawn and test after test, he didn't have an explanation for my extreme fatigue. I eventually saw a different doctor and he finally had an idea of what I was experiencing. Turns out that depression has physical symptoms as well as emotional symptoms. He prescribed me Zoloft. I felt such relief that I wasn't "crazy". I was beginning to think that it was all in my head.

The bad thing about Zoloft is that, in some cases, you can almost become immue to it so it doesn't work as well as it should. After about a year and a half of being on it, I started to experience the same symptoms that it was supposed to treat so rather than go to the Naval Hospital, I decided to go see a psychologist. After doing many psychological tests, my doctor concluded that I had Generalized Anxiety Disorder with the underlining of depression. So, what I really needed was an anti-anxiety medication rather than an anti-depression. The only thing that is bad about getting on any sort of new medication is that the dosage is not an exact science. It takes time to get adjusted so that you know what dose works perfectly for you. Well, the last few months, I have been working with my doctor to get a dosage that works for me. One dosage didn't work for me, hence why I began having my "bad days".

My "bad days" are the days were it literally takes me all I have to get out of bed. They come out of no where. For two days, I didn't leave my bedroom other than to take my dog outside because I just didn't have the energy or motivation. I hadn't heard from Matthew in two weeks and it was just an awful time in my life. So, that is why I have been MIA from blogging. I was having my "bad days" but they extended for a few weeks. Then after I got out of my funk I got busy with school work and trips to see family.

 I never thought that I would be the type of person who needed medication to get through my daily life, but I am. And, through therapy I have realized that it doesn't make me weak or crazy. I just need a little more help than the average person, and I've accepted that. My case in mild compared to other that I have studied in class. I never had suicidal thoughts or thoughts about hurting someone else. But in some cases, it does get that extreme. I encourage everyone to just be observant. The greatest thing you can do with someone suffering from a mental illness is letting them know that they are not alone. And, despite society's "labels" on them...they are not crazy. So if you aren't feeling like yourself or if you notice a loved one struggling, don't hesitate to get outside help or to speak up. It could be the best decision you'll ever make.

Appliance Love

We're all guilty of it. Whether it be newly married or moving out on your own into your first place, we've all bought that crappy first vacuum cleaner. It took probably a good two months before Matthew and I bought our first vacuum. It was that fifty dollar Walmart special that was "such a good deal". It was a great little vacuum at first. But then as soon as we got our cat, it seemed like it started losing suction. I don't know if it's just me or what, but I love seeing those lines are my carpet that makes my carpet feel so clean. Well, with my pervious vacuum, the lines went away probably about six months after we bought it. When we moved to North Carolina and adopted buddy, the vacuum turned into just a joke. I clogged all of the time and after hours of taking it apart and cleaning it, it would clog up the next use. I'm not sure if it's because of the animal hair or it was just a bad vacuum. One thing I was sure of, was that I needed a new vacuum stat! 


In a perfect world where my husband was higher ranking or I had my degree, I would have gotten a Dyson. My sister has had her Dyson for years and absolutely loves it. However, right now we just can't fathom spending that much on a vacuum. In a few years, maybe it can be a tax check purchase. But as for this moment in time, I had to find a great vacuum, in our prices range, and also that will last for more than a year. I looked around and asked around with some of my friends. I decided to buy this baby. 

You can read all about the features and such here. Basically if I could be in love with a household appliance, it would be the Shark Navigator Lift Away. The perfect lines are back in my carpet. The canister is full of pet hair, and my carpet actually looks clean. Now, I've only had it for a few days but it came with all of the warranties so if it breaks I am sending that bad boy back! I never thought I'd see the day that I would be so excited to get a new vacuum, but that day came and it is amazing! 

Military Monday: Sucky McSuck

   As I embark on the third month of deployment this month, I have finally realized just one conclusion. Deployments are difficult really really really suck. It's not the "oh your dog got hit" by a car suckieness. Or even the "having to change a flat tire in the rain" type of suckieness. It's just the flat out sucks. I can honestly say this is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. Don't judge because I've gone through my fair share of "my life sucks" moment.
     Death, sickness, and the common trails of life have all entered my life at one point or another. I had to deal with the alcoholic parent, the loved one walking out of my life, and being thrown into a completely different life all before I was a teenager. Even if it sucks at that moment in time, I always see what God's plan was eventually. Alcoholic parent? I don't drink or harm my body. Plus, it lead to me pursue a degree in psychology. Loved one walking out? It made me a guarded person and that has prevented me from getting hurt, plus another reason why I'm pursing a degree in psychology. Being thrown into a completely different life? It took me a while to realize, but gained an amazing father figure, a sister, and a grandmother. But this deployment is really testing me.
    I think every married person should have to endure some sort of deployment. It really helps people realize how they want their life to be, and see what really matters in their relationship. Does it really have to be an argument if he, yet again, leaves clothes on the floor? Is it really that important to have the garage organized all the time? It's really not. It'd be nice, but it's not important and not worth putting a strain on your relationship.
     Another thing that this deployment has made me realize is that no matter what situation you're in, it still sucks. Oh your spouse is in the Army, Air force or Navy? It's still hard. Just because I'm going through a Marine Corpse deployment doesn't mean that it's any more or less hard on me than if he was in any other branch. Oh you have a child? I'm sorry that because I'm not a mother, you think it's not that hard. And same vice versa. Just because you have a child doesn't mean your deployment is harder. Oh your spouse is going on a "actual combat deployment" while my husband is on a MEU. It doesn't make it any easier. Oh your spouse is admin or a machine gunner? It still sucks for the loved ones at home. So what I'm really trying to say is that no matter what way you spin it, deployments absolutely SUCK!
    Don't get me wrong, I don't always sit around and ponder about how much this deployment can just be over and Matthew will be home with me. I have tried everything. Doing crafts for the house? Check. Girl's nights? Check. Trips to be with my family? Check. Cleaning every surface of my house? Check. Studying at the beach? Check. No matter what I do, I know that when it comes time for me to lay down at night, that's when I will miss him the most. When I wake up in the morning, I just lay there with my eyes clothes just smelling his pillow. I pretend he just left for work and think of what I can make him for dinner. I plan a date night all in my head, before I even open my eyes. Then, I open up my eyes, look at the date on my phone,  and go back to reality. I plan what I would make myself for dinner. I try to figure out what I can do that day to just leave my house. Instead of date nights, I gussy myself up to take photo's for his next care package. But I know that this is one of those situations where a few months, or even a year or so down the road, God will show me how this benefited my life.

I can't promise this will be my last point about sucky deployments because I have over five months of deployment left. But, it used to be eight months so I feel accomplished. The bottom line of this? DEPLOYMENTS SUCK. End rant.

super late birthday post

 Well, now that it's June I thought I'd post about my birthday gifts from Matthew. Better late than never right? This year was the big 2 0 for me. I was just excited that I'm no longer a "teenager" and saying that I'm married at 20 seems to get less weird reactions than when I said was married when I was 18 and 19. Now, I only have to start looking like I'm twenty rather than 17 and I'll be set to go! 


This was the third year in a row that I wasn't able to see Matthew on my birthday. The first year I was in Indiana and he was in Georgia. Last year, we were stationed in Georgia and he was doing his 5 day rotation at work on my birthday. And this year, he was obviously deployed. It was still a great birthday! I went to Georgia to see my best friend and her family. They made my birthday awesome! 

Every year I get an ice cream cake. It's the only time of the year I eat it. My outlook is that even if I have nothing special to look forward to, I know that I am getting my ice cream cake. It's lame, I know, but it's just something that I do every year and Becky didn't forget! I am so grateful to have such amazing friends! 

My frist initial gift from Matthew was something that I picked out on my own and Matthew just gave the okay for me to get it. I found it on Etsy from this shop and for the date I put the day we started dating, 11-05-09. I put that date rather than our wedding date because that was the day God really gave me him. He bought me something when he ported in Spain but I didn't receive it until May 31.

When we went to Disney World for our honeymoon I commented on the fact that I wanted a "Karen" type small purse that would fit my keys, my phone and some cash. He remembered me saying that and bought me this amazing leather and suede bag when they ported in Spain. He said he was walking past the shop, saw it and thought of me. I married the greatest man in the world! So even though this post is almost a month late, I had an amazing birthday!